Tracking My Blessings
My gratitude app steers me to focus on the positive, even when things fall apart.
I had an exciting day ahead. It was March 9, and I was looking forward to an adventure in Kaimukī to pick up pastries, have coffee and celebrate da Shop’s birthday. I had also downloaded a gratitude app in hopes of increasing my happiness.
But then something happened: I caught a cold that initially seemed mild but eventually led to a lingering illness that took months to fully recover from.
An immediate test. Could I still find things to be grateful for while feeling miserable?
Photo: James Nakamura
March 12 entry: The ability to take a sick day.
Lots of people now share their gratitude lists on social media—to inspire others, for accountability, or maybe just for likes. Whatever the reason, studies have shown that grateful thinking improves your mood. I had already been trying a bunch of dopamine boosters—daily morning yoga, jogging, even meditation (except songs always pop into my head when I sit quietly). I liked how all these felt, but none got me to a transcendent state of euphoria. So I got the app, a free one called Presently, and set a nightly reminder to update it. But as the days went on, and more and more things went wrong, it became challenging to think of anything worth noting.
March 24: The waitress forgetting the bacon I didn’t need anyway.
When my sore throat returned, I gave up morning yoga. I injured my heel and stopped running, but my nose didn’t, and soon, I came down with the flu. How could any of my happy hacks work if I wasn’t doing them? When my 9 p.m. reminder came, I scrounged up the most remotely positive things that I could.
April 2: Ibuprofen.
It felt like such a cruel twist of irony to struggle with my health right as I was trying my hardest to make things better. Then more problems piled on in almost every area of my life, leading me into crisis mode. And just as I was finally starting to recover, I got sick, again.
April 19: Being able to breathe.
Yet I kept going.
I wasn’t exactly happy, but by focusing on the positive, I did feel better. One of my favorite quotes is from comedian Hannah Gadsby: “You learn from the part of the story you focus on.” Even on my worst days, I always came up with at least one thing to be grateful for, even if it didn’t seem like much or was a repeat from an earlier day.
March 24 and 31: Sunshine.
April 1: One-minute lentils.
April 4 and 30: Hot baths.
I’m still not able to run as much as I used to, and I only manage to do yoga a few times a week instead of every day, but I’ve stuck with the app now for more than 175 days, and I have to say, it’s working. Maybe after time passes and I look back at my entries, I’ll forget how difficult things were and only see the times when I laughed without being able to stop, when friends texted me out of the blue because they were thinking of me, or how excited I felt buying concert tickets to see my favorite band.
June 11: Constantly moving forward.
